This is a transcript for Fears of a Clown!!!!!!
Script:
-Scene 1-
(Booker and Levi enter the roof deck)
BOOKER: Can you believe my mom kicked us out for being annoying?
LEVI: To be fair, we were having an annoying sounds contest.
BOOKER: It was the only way to know if marbles in blender beats hammer on frying pan.
LEVI: I still think it was (makes a screeching noise with his mouth)
BOOKER: I'm starting to see why she kicked us out. (sits on a chair) Well, I'm out of ideas. Guess we're just gonna be bored all day.
(Levi sees a gorilla hand on the side of the building)
LEVI: Unless a giant gorilla climbs up the side of the building.
BOOKER: I wish. I'd name him Mr. Bananas and ride on his shoulders through the streets of Chicago. (sighs) Like that'll ever happen.
KID'S VOICE FROM NEAR THE GORILLA HAND: Hey! Can I get a little help here?
(Booker seems shocked to notice the gorilla hand. Booker and Levi help the kid named Wally climb onto the roof with his inflatable gorilla hand)
WALLY: Way to spring into action, fellas. I'm Wally. I just moved into the building.
LEVI: I'm Levi. That's Booker.
BOOKER: (gesturing to the inflatable gorilla hand) Where'd you get this thing?
WALLY: Found this bad boy by the dumpster and dragged it up the fire escape. You guys wanna help me build a catapult with it?
BOOKER: More than anything in the world!
(scene cuts to a little later, when they finished the catapult using the gorilla hand. Levi appears to be in it)
WALLY: (to Booker) This should launch him across the roof, and land him safely in that pile of pillows.
BOOKER: Levi's gonna love this!
(the catapult launches what appears to be Levi off of the roof. Booker and Wally rush over to the edge of the roof to watch)
BOOKER: Whoa, he went right over the side!
(Levi walks over to them from where he was standing, and watches with them)
LEVI: Man, I'm gonna miss that dummy.
BOOKER: You sure you don't wanna give it a try, Levi?
LEVI: Believe it or not, the answer is still no.
--intro plays--
-Scene 2-
(Raven and Chelsea are in the living room. Raven is holding a full laundry basket, Chelsea is looking out the window)
RAVEN: Hey Chels, what are you looking at?
CHELSEA: Well I'm not sure, but I think some kids just threw a dummy off the roof.
RAVEN: Those are some real bad kids. You know who I blame? The parents.
(Raven leaves the apartment with the laundry basket and goes down the stairs. She sees a clown walking through the hallway on the second floor)
(eerie music plays in the background)
(Raven squeals in fear and sits on the stairs to try to hide from the clown.)
RAVEN: (grunting in fear) Clown!
(the clown walks past without noticing her, and Raven scrambles back to her apartment leaving the laundry basket behind)
RAVEN: (entering the apartment) Chels! Clown! Hall! I almost peed!
CHELSEA: What? A clown? Rae, there's no clowns in the building. Listen, you have to get over your clown phobia.
RAVEN: No! Chels! Chels! I saw it with my own eyes! It was a creepy, face painted, "we gotta move 'cause it knows where I live" clown, girl!
CHELSEA: Well, let me go see. (leaves the apartment)
RAVEN: No Chels, no! No Chels, no! No Chels, no!
(Chelsea goes down the stairs to the second floor)
CHELSEA: Rae, there's no clown!
RAVEN: (poking her head around the top of the stairs) It was right there.
CHELSEA: I'm sure it was just somebody havin' a kid's birthday party. I'm sure it's nothing to worry about.
RAVEN: Clowns are always something to worry about, Chels.
CHELSEA: Rae, I think you're being-
RAVEN: Chels listen! They cannot be trusted! (going down the stairs to the second floor) Their shoes are too big, their cars are too small, and they're always smiling that freakish, freakish smile! No one smiles that much Chels, no one!
CHELSEA: Well, I smile a lot.
RAVEN: Yeah. And you know what? I worry about you too.
CHELSEA: Look Rae, there's no clown, so you're safe to go do the laundry, alright? (hands Raven the laundry basket)
(Raven whimpers and whines as she slowly makes her way to the laundry room)
CHELSEA: I'm sorry, did you want me to go do the laundry?
RAVEN: (handing Chelsea the laundry basket) Yeah, that'd be great, thanks.
(Chelsea goes down the stairs and Raven starts to go back upstairs, but she has a vision of the clown in her apartment saying, "Ms. Baxter, I got you.")
RAVEN: (to herself) The clown is gonna get me!
-Scene 3-
(Booker enters the living room)
BOOKER: Mom, where are you? Mom, you can answer me, I don't want money!
RAVEN: (poking her head out of the closet) What you need, baby?
BOOKER: Can my new friend Wally come over?
RAVEN: Yeah, sure, but I need to meet him.
BOOKER: When he gets here, can you come out of the closet and not be weird?
RAVEN: It's my house. I do what I want. (goes back in the closet and shuts the door)
(Chelsea enters the apartment carrying the laundry basket)
BOOKER: Hey, Aunt Chelsea. If you're looking for mom, she's in the closet. Being weird. (leaves the room)
(Chelsea opens the closet door to see Raven in it holding a large baseball bat)
CHELSEA: Rae, what are you doing?
RAVEN: What? I'm a perfectly rational woman, chillin' in her closet waiting for a clown to attack her. Now, if you'll excuse me. (closes the closet door)
CHELSEA: (sarcastically) Oh, yeah, Rae, you sound totally norm- (faking) Oh my gosh! There's a clown)
(Raven jumps out of the closet screaming and swinging her baseball bat)
RAVEN: Where'd he go?
CHELSEA: Okay, Rae, give me the bat. (Raven gives her the large baseball bat) And the ankle bat. (Raven gives her a tiny bat hidden in her sock) And the secret bat.
RAVEN: (handing Chelsea the very tiny bat hidden in her shirt) How you know about my secret bat?
CHELSEA: I know about the secret bat. (puts all of the bats in the laundry basket) This is crazy. You are not gonna get attacked by clowns.
RAVEN: Yes I am, Chels! I had a vision! The clown is comin' to get me right in my own home!
CHELSEA: Okay, is it possible that you misinterpreted your vision?
RAVEN: When have I ever misinterpret.... don't answer that.
CHELSEA: Okay? You're gonna be fine.
RAVEN: You're right. I am gonna be fine, Chels. You know why? 'Cause you didn't get my double secret bat. (takes a large bat out from the back of her shirt and goes back in the closet and shuts the door)
-Scene 4-
(Nia and Tess exit apartment 3c carrying sleeping bags)
TESS: Thanks for moving the sleepover to your place. My mom's hosting a book club tonight.
NIA: No she isn't.
TESS: No, she isn't. She just started using natural deodorant, and it ain't working. (drops the sleeping bags she was carrying)
(Wally enters the hallway and hands the sleeping bags to Tess)
WALLY: Hey, I think you dropped this stuff.
TESS: (taking the sleeping bags) I don't need some guy to help me pick up my-(sees Wally's face and realizes that he's cute) I mean, if it's not too much trouble. (drops the sleeping bags again)
NIA: (dropping her sleeping bags) Oops.
WALLY: Whoa. It's almost like you guys are dropping this stuff on purpose.
NIA: You have eyelashes like a beautiful pony.
TESS: My belly button smells like rice. (covers her mouth with her hand)
WALLY: Good to know.
NIA: We're gonna go now.
(Nia and Tess awkwardly pick up their sleeping bags and go into apartment 3b and shut the door behind them)
TESS: That.... was horrible.
NIA: At least we'll never see him again.
(there is a knock at the door. Booker and Levi enter the room and go over to the door)
LEVI: That must be Wally!
TESS: (nervously) Who's Wally?
(Booker and Levi answer the door and Wally enters the apartment)
TESS: (to Nia) He's in your house!
NIA: Just be cool and make a graceful exit.
(Nia and Tess slowly back up to leave the room. Nia trips and falls backwards and screams, and then Tess trips and falls backward and screams)
NIA: What do we do now?
TESS: Just crawl man! Just crawl!
(Nia and Tess crawl out of the room)
BOOKER: (to Wally) Sorry about that. That was just my weird sister and her weird friend being..... weird.
WALLY: It's cool. Everyone's family is a little weird.
(Raven comes out of the closet and hands her baseball bat to Booker)
RAVEN: Booker, hold my bat; I gotta use the bathroom.
LEVI: (to Wally) Our family's a lot weird.
BOOKER: (to Raven) Hey mom, this is Wally.
RAVEN: Oh, hey Wally, nice to meet you. (sits on the couch) come on, tell me about yourself. But keep it short, 'cause remember, I gotta tinkle.
WALLY: (sits on the couch next to her) Well, I'm in seventh grade, my parents and I just moved in from Colorado, my dad's an accountant and my mom's a clown, (Raven looks shocked) and I'm a Leo, which means I'm adventurous.
RAVEN: (shocked) What'd you just say?
WALLY: Oh, don't worry. Levi's a Virgo, so he'll watch out for all of us.
LEVI: Yeah, I'm a real caregiver.
RAVEN: (to Wally) I'm sorry, no no no, about your mamma. Did you say she was a....c...c...clown?
WALLY: Yeah. She retired from the circus when she had me, and now she does birthday parties.
BOOKER: (giving Raven back her bat) Satisfied mom? Now you know him better than I do. Come on.
(Booker, Levi, and Wally leave the room)
RAVEN: (tightly clutching her bat) (nervously) There's a lil' baby clown in my house!
-Scene 5-
(Booker, Levi, and Wally are in Booker and Levi's bedroom making a fort out of blankets and pillows)
BOOKER: Behold, Fort Mcfort! Pretty great, right?
(the tiny fort collapses)
WALLY: Don't worry guys, we'll rebuild it.
(scene cuts to a little bit later, and the fort they built is massive)
WALLY: What do you guys think?
BOOKER: The new Fort Mcfort is awesome!
WALLY: Everyone's gonna wanna get in.
LEVI: We need a password.
BOOKER: How about Password Mcpassword?
WALLY: Access granted! Get in there! You too, Big Guy!
LEVI: (to Booker) He just called me Big Guy. And he wasn't being sarcastic!
(Booker and Levi enter the fort)
WALLY: (sniffs) Smells like someone's baking cookies!
(Scene shows Nia and Tess in Nia's bedroom. Tess is holding a plate of cookies, Nia is fanning the smell of cookies out the door)
NIA: This better work. I can't embarrass myself in front of Pony Eyes again. That's my nickname for Wally.
TESS: Don't worry, you won't. Once these cookies get him in here, we'll show him how cool we really are.
NIA: Okay, so what's your plan?
TESS: (looking like she's got a great idea) I got nothing.
NIA: We don't have a plan? Shut the door! Shut the door!
(Tess is about to shut the door, but Wally walks in)
WALLY: Hey guys.
NIA AND TESS: (dreamily) Hey Wally.
NIA: (whispering to Tess) I hate us so much right now.
WALLY: Any chance you got an extra one of those?
TESS: Really? You like fresh baked cookies? (hands Wally the plate of cookies)
BOOKER: (entering Nia's bedroom) Everybody likes fresh baked cookies. (pulls Nia and Tess aside) I know what you're doing. You're trying to hang out with Wally 'cause he's awesome.
NIA: That's ridiculous!
TESS: Yeah, we're trying to hang out with him 'cause he's cute. (covers her mouth with both of her hands)
BOOKER: Gross! That's why you're being so weird? I'm not gonna let you creep Wally out!
(Levi enters Nia's bedroom)
BOOKER: (to Levi and Wally) Come on guys, let's go back to Fort Mcfort. It's almost 6:00. (leaves the room with Wally)
LEVI: (to Nia and Tess) That's when we do hip hop karaoke. (does a ridiculous dance move out the door.)
(Tess shuts the door behind Levi)
NIA: (sighs) That was a disaster.
TESS: Yeah, we get mad stupid around that kid.
NIA: If we don't wanna embarrass ourselves again, the safest thing to do is the exact opposite of what we wanna do.
TESS: I wanna go smell his hair.
(Nia puts a chair in front of the door and sits on it)
NIA: We cannot be trusted.
(Tess nods)
-Scene 6-
(Raven is in the kitchen dipping her tiny bat in what appears to be oil. Chelsea walks over to her)
CHELSEA: Hey Rae. You feeling any better?
RAVEN: No. No. A clown moved into our building, and now her kid is friends with our kid.
CHELSEA: But you can't avoid her forever; she's our neighbor.
RAVEN: (gasps) You're right! We should move!
CHELSEA: I've got a better idea. Come with me. (leads Raven into the living room) Okay, they say that the best way to conquer your fear is to face it.
RAVEN: Uh, who are "they'? They don't know me.
CHELSEA: Don't worry. I've brought around a little something to help you get comfortable with your fear of clowns. (gestures to a jack-in-the-box on the coffee table)
RAVEN: You know what'll make me feel comfortable? My bat. (starts to go back in the kitchen, but Chelsea stops her)
CHELSEA: Rae! Can you please just sit down?
(Raven and Chelsea sit on the couch)
CHELSEA: We are in a safe place, okay? Turn the crank.
RAVEN: Chels, I don't want to.
CHELSEA: Rae, please? Just turn it.
(Raven slowly turns the crank of the jack-in-the-box. "Pop Goes the Weasel" plays as she turns the crank)
RAVEN: (stops turning the crank) Okay, Chels, that was great.
CHELSEA: Keep crankin'.
(Raven continues to slowly turn the crank of the jack-in-the-box. "Pop Goes the Weasel" continues to play.)
RAVEN: (stops turning the crank) Oh Chels, you cured me!
CHELSEA: Raven!
RAVEN: (whispers) Okay, alright.
(Raven continues to slowly turn the crank of the jack-in-the-box. "Pop Goes the Weasel" continues to play. Raven closes her eyes in anticipation. A cute tiny clown pops out of the jack-in-the-box)
RAVEN: (squeals) ha ha! Look at him! He's so cute! Hello little clown! Oh, thanks Chels, I think you fixed me!
(Chelsea pulls a balloon clown up from behind the couch)
CHELSEA: Hey, look who it is?
(Raven screams and launches herself over the couch and starts beating up the balloon clown.)
RAVEN: (yelling) Come here! Come here!
(the balloon clown falls over to the other side of Raven, and Raven pulls it closer to herself)
RAVEN: (yelling) You ain't getting away that easy! You ain't getting away!
(Raven punches the clown three times with all of her might. The balloon starts to deflate. Raven stands up from behind the couch proudly holding the deflated clown balloon)
RAVEN: (laughing hysterically) I'm gonna nail it to the door as a warning to other clowns. (walks over to the door)
-Scene 7-
(Booker, Levi, and Wally are in Booker and Levi's bedroom with pizza boxes strapped to their clothes)
BOOKER: (in a robot voice) I cannot believe we had robot armor in our recycling bins the whole time.
WALLY: I couldn't believe how many pizza boxes you guys have.
LEVI: My mom's in charge of dinner, so it's kind of the safest option.
(Tess enters the room)
TESS: Yo, I lost my contact. (staring dreamily at Wally) Could one of you help me find it?
LEVI: (to Tess) You don't wear contacts.
TESS: Nobody asked you, Baby Shoes! (staring dreamily at Wally) So, what are you guys doing?
BOOKER: Nah-uh nah-uh, nah-uh! I'm shutting this down!
(Nia enters the room)
NIA: Hey, I... I lost my contact. Could one of you help me- (notices Tess) (whispering to Tess) You said you were going to the bathroom!
TESS: (whispering) You said you were going to the kitchen!
BOOKER: Well, you can't kick it in Fort Mcfort!
LEVI: Yeah. No entry without the password.
TESS: It's probably something dumb like "Password Mcpassword".
BOOKER: Darn it! We've been hacked!
(Booker and Levi go into the fort)
WALLY: (to Booker and Levi) It's okay, guys. They're cool.
NIA: Really? You think we're cool? You don't think we're lame anymore?
WALLY: I never thought you were lame. (goes into the fort)
NIA: (to Tess) Is it possible that all of this was in our heads, and we never actually embarrassed ourselves?
TESS: That's airtight logic, yo.
NIA: I can't believe we've been driving ourselves crazy all day. So, should we stay and hang out?
WALLY: (in a robot voice) Wally-Bot powering up. Initiating three-way-high-five.
(Wally, Booker, and Levi do a three-way-high-five)
NIA: I'm out. (leaves the room)
TESS: Me too. (follows Nia)
(when Tess closes the door behind her, it knocks down the fort)
BOOKER: We have got to change that password.
-Scene 8-
(Chelsea is sitting on the couch, Raven enters the room)
RAVEN: Chels? Chels, I gotta get outta here. If my vision's correct, Wally's mom could walk through that door at any moment. I'm just... I'm just not ready to be in the same room with a clown.
CHELSEA: Why don't you take a walk?
RAVEN: Good idea, Chels! (opens the front door a crack, and pokes her head out. She shuts the door again) Cost is clear. (chuckles) Text me when she's gone.
(Raven opens the door again to see a clown named Diane standing right in front of her.)
RAVEN: (gasps) (high pitched) Clown! (faints)
DIANE: (to Raven) Are you okay? Don't worry Ms. Baxter, I got you.
RAVEN: (screaming) No no no no! (scrambling to her feet) I got me! I got me! (falls over the couch) I'm okay!
DIANE: I didn't mean to startle you. I'm Diane, Wally's mom. Oh, what a horrible first impression.
RAVEN: (screaming) There's a clown! Clown face! Clown face comin' towards me!
DIANE: Well, I was so busy rushing home from work, I forgot I had this on! (laughs)
(Raven whimpers in fear while standing on the other side of the couch)
(Booker, Nia, Levi, and Tess enter the room)
BOOKER: Mom! Nia and Tess ruined our fort!
NIA: (to Booker) It was bound to happen anyway. Those sheets weren't up to code!
WALLY: (to Diane) Mom, what's going on?
LEVI: (to Raven) Auntie Rae, are you okay?
RAVEN: (backing up to stand behind the kitchen counter) (screaming) No! There's a clown! There's a clown in my house!
DIANE: (to Raven) Do you have a problem with me?
RAVEN: (yells very loudly) Yes!!! (Diane looks offended) Now will you please leave, circus freak!?
DIANE: Wow. Okay. Come on, Wally. Let's go home.
(Diane and Wally leave the apartment)
RAVEN: Whoo! I'm glad she's gone! Ooh, it's all good, y'all. It's all good. (Booker, Nia, Levi, Tess, and Chelsea all give her a weird look) It was that bad, huh?
(Booker, Nia, Levi, Tess, and Chelsea all nod)
-Scene 9-
(The kids walk over to the kitchen counter)
NIA: Why did you say those things to Wally's mom?
RAVEN: 'Cause I'm terrified of clowns.
BOOKER: So you called her names. You yell at me when I call Nia names!
RAVEN: That's different! Your sister's not a clown!
LEVI: Auntie Rae, you were really mean to her. She's never gonna let Wally come back.
(Booker and Levi leave the room)
TESS: Ms. B., If I didn't sleep here and eat here and pretty much live here, I'd drop some serious truth on you right now.
(Nia and Tess leave the room)
CHELSEA: (to Raven) That was bad.
RAVEN: (walking over to Chelsea) Yeah it was! Chels, we have some really judgmental children!
CHELSEA: What? No, Rae. (Raven and Chelsea sit on the couch) Look, I get that you're scared, okay? But this is getting out of control. I mean, gosh, I've never seen you treat anyone like that.
RAVEN: Chels, I can't help it. It's not my fault.
CHELSEA: Well, you gotta do something, 'cause you just cost our kids a friend.
RAVEN: Alright, I get it, I really messed up. I gotta find a way to fix this.
-Scene 10-
(Chelsea is standing in the living room holding a note attached to a balloon. The kids enter the room. Booker, Nia, and Levi are also holding notes attached to balloons)
BOOKER: Aunt Chels, what's going on?
CHELSEA: Well I don't know. I got this balloon inviting me to dinner.
BOOKER: Me too.
LEVI: Me too.
NIA: Me too.
TESS: I'm Nia's plus one!
(there is a knock at the door. Chelsea answers it to see Diane and Wally. Diane is also holding a note attached to a balloon.)
CHELSEA: Hey, Diane. Hey, Wally. I see you guys got a balloon too.
DIANE: I had no intention of coming.
WALLY: But, I begged her.
LEVI: Wally! You're back!
NIA: (to Wally) Hey!
TESS: (to Wally) 'Sup.
DIANE: So, what's this all about?
CHELSEA: I'm not really sure.
(Raven stands up from behind the kitchen counter wearing a clown outfit, and whimsical music plays in the background)
CHELSEA: Oh....
LEVI: My....
BOOKER AND NIA: Mom.
(whimsical music continues as Raven enters the living room, and takes a flower out of a vase and smells it. She then puts the flower in the pocket in her shirt. She then waves a red ribbon thing at the chair as if to tell Diane to sit there)
DIANE: (sits in the chair) Is this some kind of joke?
(Raven takes her hat off and shakes her head she then puts her hat back on and gestures for everyone else to sit on the couch. She picks Levi up and tosses him on the couch with everyone else. Raven pulls the clown balloon she deflated up from behind the couch. The balloon is taped back together.)
NIA: (to Tess) This is the weirdest thing I've ever seen.
TESS: Hey, yo. I love coming over here.
(Raven hands the taped balloon to Chelsea)
CHELSEA: Oh, I guess I'm in the show too, kids. (starts dancing around with the clown)
(Raven claps her hands to get her to stop. Raven then gestures to her heart. She makes a worried expression on her face)
LEVI: She's acting out her fear of clowns!
BOOKER: That's what she's doing? Am I the only one who doesn't get this?
NIA, TESS, LEVI, AND WALLY: Yes!
(Raven imitates her beating up the clown balloon as Chelsea holds the balloon for her. Chelsea accidentally hits Raven with the balloon and Raven falls over)
CHELSEA: Sorry Rae, I got a little carried away.
(Raven gets up and holds her hat in front of her as she makes a sympathetic look to Diane)
CHELSEA: (to Diane) I think she's trying to apologize.
(Raven then sits on the couch in between Booker and Wally. She holds a red paper heart, and then tore it in half, handed one half to Booker and one to Wally, and then brought the pieces of the heart back together again)
BOOKER: (crying) This is some powerful stuff.
(Raven stands up from the couch and starts to walk away, but turns around to face Diane. She then spins around and reaches a hand out to Diane. The whimsical music ends)
DIANE: (takes Raven's hand and stands up) That was beautiful. Thank you.
(Raven takes a bow, and everyone applauds her)
RAVEN: Thank you. I'm just glad it worked. That was the longest I've ever gone without talking.
-Scene 11-
(a little bit later, Nia, Levi, Tess, Raven, Chelsea, and Diane are in the kitchen putting their plates in the sink)
DIANE: Raven, this was wonderful. I'm really glad I accepted your invitation.
RAVEN: Me too.
CHELSEA: You know, I have to admit, this was not how I thought things would end up.
NIA: Yeah mom, you've come a long way. You're dressed as a clown, you've eaten dinner with a clown.
LEVI: You've tried Brussels sprouts.
TESS: Yeah, we're real proud of you, Ms. B.
RAVEN: Thanks. I'll go anything for my kids. Even you, Tess.
(Tess nods in acceptance)
(Booker and Wally open the front door of the apartment)
BOOKER: (whispering to Wally) Coast is clear.
(Booker and Wally start to drag the inflatable gorilla hand into the apartment)
RAVEN'S VOICE FROM THE OTHER ROOM: Get that big old gorilla hand outta my house!
BOOKER: (to Wally) Back up! Back up!
(Booker and Wally drag the inflatable gorilla hand back out of the apartment, which concludes the episode)